AI Cannot Know Us—But It Can Help Us Know Ourselves

A recent post I read described someone’s unease after asking AI for “crazy accurate feedback.” The results felt revealing at first, but upon reflection, they were simply broad archetypes—the kind of vague truths anyone might identify with. This is the Forer Effect, the same phenomenon behind horoscopes and tarot cards.

The deeper concern the author raised was the Labeling Effect: once we accept a label (“I’m an introvert”), we may unconsciously narrow our behavior to fit it, closing off opportunities for growth. If AI begins offering diagnoses at scale, it could unintentionally nudge millions of people into rigid, limiting self-stories.

And here’s where I land: AI cannot truly know us.
It does not feel the texture of our experiences, notice the pause before we answer, or grasp the contradictions that make us human.

But that doesn’t mean it’s useless in personal growth.

AI can help us know ourselves.

When approached as a reflective partner rather than an authority, AI can:

• Prompt self-inquiry: Questions it generates can push us to articulate what we really think and feel.
• Organize thinking: It can surface patterns, frameworks, and perspectives that give structure to our reflections.
• Hold up a mirror: Not by diagnosing us, but by creating space to notice what resonates and why.

The danger comes when we hand over our self-understanding to the machine, mistaking its outputs as truth. The opportunity comes when we treat it like a journal, a conversation starter, or a thought partner—never a final word.

To demonstrate, I started a conversation with the LIVE. LEARN. GROW. AI Coach that I have build/designed based on my own coaching approach. Here are a few snippets of how the initial inquiry went:

A nice gentle question to get me reflecting on my own patterns. Knowing that I want to learn more about myself, I challenged myself to be candid in my response:

The AI Coach does not waste time digging deeper.

And, the crux of the matter quickly emerges for me:

In just a few questions, the AI Coach was able to give me some good food for thought and reflections to help me dig into a deeply ingrained pattern, and go deeper into some of the impacts of that pattern.

Can a live coach do this work? Absolutely.

Does everyone have access to a live coach? No - and that is important. While AI will never replace the work we do as coaches, leaders, people, humans.....it can be a powerful compliment and supplement to the work of a coach. Many of my clients take advantage of my AI Coach between coaching sessions.

The human journey of self-awareness remains our own. AI cannot define who we are. But if we use it with care, it can help us ask better questions—and sometimes, that’s exactly what we need to see ourselves more clearly.