Team Truths: The Risk of Unspoken Agreements

Most Teams Don’t Struggle Because of Skill. They Struggle Because of Unspoken Agreements.

This article is part of Team Truths, a weekly series exploring the unspoken agreements, patterns, and dynamics that shape how teams really work.

When teams struggle, we often reach for familiar explanations.

We talk about gaps in capability.
We question motivation.
We point to communication breakdowns or unclear roles.

And while those things can matter, they’re rarely the real issue.

Most teams don’t struggle because someone lacks skill.
They struggle because of unspoken agreements - the quiet, informal rules that shape behaviour beneath the surface.

These agreements aren’t written down.
They’re rarely discussed openly.
But they powerfully determine how a team actually operates.

The Agreements Teams Make Without Realizing It

In my work as a team coach, I see the same patterns show up again and again, across sectors and seniority levels.

Teams quietly agree that:

• We don’t challenge certain people.
• We tolerate behaviours that slowly drain the room.
• We avoid conflict with the person who reacts the strongest.
• We let the “hero” take on too much and then quietly resent them for it.
• We allow silence to stand in for consent.

No one formally decides these things.

They emerge over time as the team adapts to pressure, personalities, power, history, and risk.

And once in place, they become self-reinforcing.

These Aren’t Communication Issues. They’re System Issues.

It’s tempting to treat these dynamics as individual problems.

“If only that person spoke up more.”
“If only the leader set clearer expectations.”
“If only people gave better feedback.”

But that framing misses something essential.

Teams are systems.

And systems create patterns that individuals step into, often unconsciously.

That’s why, in team coaching, I rarely ask,
“Who’s the problem here?”

Instead, I ask:
“What pattern are we protecting?”

Because every recurring team behaviour exists for a reason.

What Patterns Protect

When teams slow down enough to look honestly, they often discover that the very behaviours frustrating them are also serving the system in some way.

• Silence protects power.
  Not speaking up can preserve hierarchy, relationships, or personal safety.
• Over-functioning protects stability.
  The hero steps in so the team can avoid uncertainty or failure — even as it creates dependency and burnout.
• Avoidance protects comfort.
  Skipping hard conversations keeps things pleasant on the surface, while issues quietly compound.
• Blame protects ego.
  Focusing on individual fault shields the team from examining its collective contribution.

These protections make sense.
They often emerge during periods of stress, change, or high stakes.

The problem is that what once protected the team can eventually limit it.

Why These Patterns Are So Hard to Name

Unspoken agreements are powerful precisely because they are unspoken.

They live in tone, body language, timing, and what happens after meetings, not in formal agendas.

They’re reinforced through subtle signals:

• Who gets interrupted
• Whose ideas are ignored
• What issues are rushed past
• What topics reliably shut conversations down

Naming these patterns can feel risky.

It can threaten belonging.
It can disrupt stability.
It can surface emotion.

So teams keep going: functioning, delivering, coping, all while something vital remains unresolved.

The Shift That Changes Everything

The turning point for many teams isn’t a new framework or a clearer process.

It’s the moment when someone or the team collectively is willing to say:

“Can we talk about what’s really happening here?”

When a team names a pattern, something important occurs:

The behaviour moves from personal to systemic.
From blame to curiosity.
From reaction to reflection.

This doesn’t magically solve everything.
But it changes the quality of the conversation, and that’s where transformation begins.

What High-Performing Teams Do Differently

High-performing teams aren’t perfect.

They still experience tension, disagreement, and missteps.

What distinguishes them is not the absence of difficulty, but their willingness to tell the truth about how they’re operating.

They are more likely to:

• Talk about how they’re working, not just what they’re doing
• Name patterns without immediately assigning fault
• Hold shared responsibility for team dynamics
• Stay in dialogue when things get uncomfortable

In other words, they treat team dynamics as collective work, not individual failure.

An Invitation

If you’re part of a team whether as a leader, member, or coach, consider these questions:

• What behaviours keep showing up in our team?
• What might those behaviours be protecting?
• What feels difficult to name here, and why?

You don’t need to fix everything at once.

Often, simply naming one unspoken agreement is enough to begin a shift.

Because teams don’t change when they’re told what to do.
They change when they’re willing to see and speak the truth about themselves.

This article is part of Team Truths, a weekly series exploring the unspoken agreements, patterns, and dynamics that shape how teams really work.